Wow. I just caught the finale of Pussycat Dolls: Search for the Next Doll. It's a shame I didn't know about this sooner, because I really believe I have what it takes to be the next Pussycat Doll.
One of the judges, who I assume is already a Doll, told the three remaining girls, "You all look like the true meaning of a Pussycat Doll." Now, I don't know what "the true meaning of a Pussycat Doll" is, but I've seen them perform "Don't Cha." And if I had to guess, the true meaning of a Pussycat Doll is a girl who can dance hot, sing pretty, and look good in Spandex.
Let's begin with dancing. I not only danced in Fort Osage High School's production of "The King and I" but I was also on the drill team. What's more, is that my fellow Indianettes called me "PT." That stands for Pelvic Thrust, yo.
Second, I can sing better than those bitches. The Dolls could really use a classically-trained vocalist. Plus, I'm a professional tambourinist. How many of them can dance, sing, and play an instrument all at the same time?
Now let's talk about the clothes. It's true that I look a little lumpy in Spandex and I'm really pale. But they're always in black, anyway, and black is very slimming. And hello ladies, I can totally get a girdle and a spray-on tan.
And for extra credit, I have something that I bet none of those girls has: I can do the entire rap from TLC's "Waterfalls" from memory.