Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dammit All to Hell

It's 3:08 a.m. I was just about to fall asleep and heard a rustling coming from the closet. I looked to my left. My cat was there. I grabbed the flashlight (that I happened to have in bed, because my new bedroom layout didn't allow for my bedside lamp to be plugged in and I've been too lazy to rig it any other way) looked to my right and a giant cockroach was making a mad dash for my bed. Then he flipped over on his back and started flailing his legs wildly in the air. Knowing he was too injured to chase me (hey, it's happened before), I jumped out of bed and looked for the bug spray, only to notice it was between me and the big guy.

I tried to direct the cat from the bed to the floor, tempting her with the flashlight, but she just stared at me, who had also begun to flail wildy. (Seriously, why do these things only happen when I'm naked?)

Realizing the cat was of no fucking use to me in this time of crisis, I ran to the kitchen to get a heavy Pyrex lid to put over the intruder, but realized that would actually require getting close enough to be accurate with the placement of the lid... and that one of my Pyrex lids would be forever tainted. So I went to the living room and found the heaviest book I have, a Spanish textbook from college. I stood in the doorway and threw it on top of him. Thank goodness it was big, because my aim is never good with these things.

Problem is, now I'm sleeping next to a giant fucking cockroach which is "sleeping" under my Spanish textbook. Er, should I say giant fucking la cucaracha? Anyway, I'm glad the textbook finally came in handy (I totally had to google the spelling of "la cucaracha") but I'm so fucking jumpy I'll never be able to sleep. Seriously. It is right next to me. I'm not even asleep and I'm already having nightmares of his mighty cockroach strength overcoming the weight of the textbook.


cybercita said...

i read your post about johnathan lethem stealing your table at bar tabac. he grew up on dean street, between bond and nevins, and set the fortress of solitude there. so i can sort of see why that happened.

when i lived on dean street, i liked luluc -- i felt too intimidated by bar tabac's ultra hip crowd.

rowan said...

soaking the fuckers with raid works. really. i've been in the exact same situation as you (3am cockroach eviction by cat, resulting in la cucaracha sprinting and flipping over while i go rambo on it with Raid). and no, i can't sleep either after that. though i do make sure the cat gets plenty o' praise because otherwise i'd have a roach in my bed. ugh. instead, it looked like it had frosting on it after all the spray. :O)

PhilisophicManHidingFromNoOne said...

Do you ever think a cockroach that big might have lived there longer than you?